World Wide Sam

Ok, so I'm back to work now. It's not so bad, really. It's going fairly well so far. My energy is good. I've been easily capable of waking up in the morning, which hasn't happened in a LONG time. It's quite refreshing not to have to work at getting up in the morning.

In other news, I paid off my laptop today. Yee-haw!

This is just way too funny. Click the thumbnail to enjoy it

I got these questions from Draxenn's journal. I usually don't answer these, but I figured what the hell this time. So:

Would I...

1. give me your email address/IM contact info?

Yes. And I have. But you never call!

2. let me hug you anytime I wanted to?

Not just anytime.

3. let me kiss you?

Mmmm.... No.

4. watch a movie with me?

Of course.

5. let me take you out for coffee?

Sure. Why not?

6. take me out to dinner?

If the urge strikes me, sure (though I think we'd have to hang out more often for that to happen )

7. drive me somewhere/anywhere?

I don't think you want me to. If I had a car and a license, yeah, I would.

8. take a shower with me?

Nope.

9. have a fling with me?

Nope.

10. listen to me chat about my current obsessions?

Of course.

11. buy me a drink if I didn't have money?

Yup.

12. take me home for the night?

If you needed a place to stay, sure, but not in "that" way.

13. let me sleep in your bed?

If the rest of my house was totally full of people, then sure. Otherwise you can take the futon.

14. pose for me while I took your picture?

Depends on the scenario.

15. re-post this for me to answer your questions?

Just did.

16. come pick me up at 3am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?

If I had a car and a license, and you needed the ride, you'd ge it.

17. cry if I died?

Of course.

18. dance with me?

I don't dance with anyone. No offense

19. sing happy birthday to me?

If I were actually present for it for once, yeah

20. take advantage of me if the opportunity presented itself *grin*?

You mean sneak money from your wallet? (no, no that either )

Well, I had another meeting with the therapist yesterday. Two things he said seemed to sum it up pretty well.

The first was: "I'll kill him!", said jokingly, and in reference to me He is always suggesting that I turn the computer off and do something else. I keep saying that my hobby computing is different enough from my job that it's not quite the same, so it's not like I'm working 24/7. He understands, but still suggests I get out more. He suggested that, when I go back to work, I take my breaks outside.

To that suggestion I said "Yeah, I have my laptop now, so I can do my computer stuff outside!"

He laughed, and said "I'll kill him!"

The second thing he said was that I seem to be immune to praise It's pretty accurate. I'm not always immune, but there certainly seems to be many occasions where I know I've been praised by my boss, but I don't really feel it. Nothing against him. He's been very good with the praise. It's just that I feel like it doesn't really apply to me some times (even when directed at me). There's really no need for that.

We also discussed when I might go back. When last I saw my doctor, he said to take two weeks off for sure, and then we'd discuss it after. The therapist says that when you feel good enough to go back, you should take another month off. It makes sense. You don't break your leg and then run a marathon the day the cast comes off, right?

So I'm not sure what will happen. The two weeks that the doc said to take off is over next Wednesday, and unless the meds kick in much more I don't see me going back then. I'm often still very tired, and my concentration is still quite poor. Most of the evening I've been kinda out of it, and as for being tired, I went to the home show on Saturday for an hour and a half and was forced to take a two hour nap after. I don't feel rested, and any time I go out to do something, I end up really really tired after.

So we'll wait till next week to see what happens, but I have strong doubts that I'll be ready to go back right away.

On the plus side, the insurance company has given me some money. They are approving my benefits till the 3rd. After that is suspended pending more information from my doctor. Hopefully that can get sorted out soon.

That's it for now. It's most decidedly bed time. Hopefully I sleep better tonight than I did last night. Last night was horrible. I want better. Much better.

So here's my latest update.

Things are going ok. I'm still not feeling much better, though. Last night I slept for 11 hours and still felt tired when I got up. That sucks. I also had a 2 hour nap earlier this evening. Being this tired really sucks.

Yesterday I went to see my counselor, and today I went to see my doctor. The counselor says that he usually suggests that when you feel better, you should still stay off of work for another month. That means I'd be off for quite some time, and I'm not sure I'm going to go through with that. I don't know if I can stay away that long

My doctor said to stay off work for 2 more weeks for sure, then, when I see him in 2 weeks, we'll discuss when I'd go back. If I feel great, I may go back, and if not, then we'll figure something out. We'll take what the counselor said into consideration when we discuss this in a couple of weeks. I'll be seeing the counselor at least once before I see the doctor again, and I'm sure he's going to suggest taking that time off again.

Speaking of him, I'm actually enjoying the therapy sessions. It's nice to be able to talk to someone about this that knows how to draw attention to certain things. I'm finding it quite helpful so far. He also had me do a couple of tests. One of them was just an exercise in identifying stressful situations that have happened in the last two years. There's a list, and each one has a score associated with it. Every time it's happened in the last two years, you add the points to your score. If final score is less than 150, you're not likely suffering from stress. If between 150 and 300 you may be. If over 300 you probably are.

My score was 440.

So chances are this is stress related. It's quite the eye-opener to see the list of things that could be contributing to my health. Many things I wouldn't have even thought about (like Christmas). I told him that many of these things didn't feel stressful at all, and he told me of a saying (that I think he got from a movie). "Put a frog into a pot of hot water, and he'll jump out immediately. Put one into a pot of cool water, and gradually increase the temperature, and he won't for quite a while". That's basically what's happened. So much little stress over time you don't notice, but it is there, and eventually it catches up to you.

Incidentally, my girlfriend took the test too (since it was assigned as homework), and her score was 620. My counselor noted that we added up to 1000 and I laughed. He found that interesting, but as I've told him before, I can laugh at just about anything

It's definitely interesting, and thus far helpful in re-evaluating my current situation. We'll have to see how it goes, though I think I'm a little more ok with being off of work now. Where before I felt bad for taking time off, there's now a part of me that is ok with it. I still feel bad, but at least now a part of me can see how I very well could be over-stressed in a way, and how this will ultimately be beneficial.

Anyway, that's it from me for now. I figured I'd make mention of this for family/friends that actually read this, so that they know how things are going